I haven’t lost weight.
I have instead gotten a lot of colds and ear aches. Commuting has left me feeling sore and run down. Since switching jobs last year I get sick a lot more. Basically, I’m exposed to more germs. I have cancelled too many plans and skip out on going to events I normally would attend, because I am just too tired or have once again gotten another cold and just feel miserable. Even as I write this I feel wiped out, but I am forcing myself to write as it makes me happy. Life isn’t all bad, and in many ways is awesome, but I have to be honest that not being able to workout and not eating like normal is wearing on me. I think by getting sick I don’t work out or eat as good and then when I feel better I haven’t gotten back to it and then I get sick again (probably in part due to not working out or eating better).
I been trying to improve my life and have made progress in some areas, but when I look in the mirror my face is too round and it is hard to not feel stuck. It isn’t that I look bad. I just don’t look or feel like my vibrant self. I feel heavy. I miss running. I miss yoga. I miss feeling light and strong. I miss not getting sick every other time I turn around.
But I’m not giving up. Today I started once again. It is hard to say that. I have started and stopped too many times to count. Yet, there really is only one option. While I thought this would be easier, life has thrown me complications, but there are other people that have it harder and they do it. I can too. I have to do everything I can to be healthy. I can say with some certainty that I am more emotionally ready than ever to get back to being in shape.
So today I start to track my food and to plan my meals. I will walk on my treadmill even if it is short. I am taking vitamins again. I am cutting down processed foods and cooking.
I am doing all things possible to improve my health, because at this point in time it is less about getting in a bikini again and more about feeling like myself.
I have plans and goals, but I’m going to keep quiet on what they are because honestly this might take longer to get on top of this and it isn’t about fitting into a dress at a certain date. It is about health. Have no doubt though that I am going to keep moving forward.
I feel very unhappy with how I look and feel, but this isn’t forever. I am still the same woman that ran an ultra-marathon, that has run up mountains, and that has lost a lot more weight than I have gained. I can do this and I will do this, because I must. I will reach my health goals.
Via Tumblr and Giphy