Autumn is my favorite part of the year. In addition to the sheer beauty of the colors and the crisp crunch under foot, it is a time where change is in the air. This autumn I am giving space for change to happen. I am letting myself ease into changes, because sometimes the process (much like this prolonged fall) is beautiful and enjoyable in and of itself. I’m not really sure where I’m headed, but I like the direction.
Part of why I named this blog Love Always Jenny is that all the other titles I could come up with seemed tied to one part of my identity or another and I also wanted something different from just my name so I could feel more free to play. I wanted to set this apart as a place to experiment and allow myself more agility to be whoever and whatever I want and to not put too much pressure on it to be one thing over another. To be perfectly honest, I wasn’t sure how ready I was to share this with anyone either.
Overall this has been a great experience so far. Still, I have felt internal pressure in that I haven’t had time to do more with my blog yet and that I’m not creating daily art or writing daily (although I am further down that path now). I have judged myself a bit for not pushing marketing this blog yet, but one change I am seeing in myself is that I am allowing things to happen in due time vs. being so ready for change that I disregard how sometimes change needs space to happen and that process can be beautiful too.
The ugly and not so glamourous part, is that this is my messy space to learn how to be a creative again, beyond the structures of what someone else wants or needs. The truth behind the curtain is that I want this blog to show the unsure artist trying to find her voice again as well showcase my unique creativity.
A big part of this blog is exploring. I am regaining my legs with writing and art.
Years ago I would sit on the shore of Lake Superior and contemplate life. It is hard to remember this time before cell phones and social media. I still go there and turn off the devices and enjoy a lot of time in rural areas where I can’t get coverage. As much as I love social media I also enjoy simpler life disconnected to the internet and connected to the natural world. There is a daily dance between privacy and my love of being disconnected and my equally strong love of social media and sharing. I feel a constant tug. Like the tides going in and out, I go from my desire to create and share to being concerned I am being too vulnerable or not strategic enough. This blog is helping me calibrate my way as an artist. I want to be the kind of artist again that is unafraid, but also keeps things to herself.
Recently someone asked on Facebook what we all were looking forward to this November. I was stumped. I have things I am looking forward to but moreover I’m just trying to be mindful of the peace I can have today in the current moment. I am of course trying to better my life, but living in that space can be exhausting and fraught with disappointments. If however I can enjoy the current moment I am indeed lucky.
This weekend I spent time raking leaves (a favorite fall activity) and I thought how special that was to have the time to spend with loved ones laughing and doing a bit of honest work with the land and how lucky I am that I was able to vote. It was paradoxically a deeply important day and one like any other in many respects. I didn’t end up sharing anything on social media that day (or even checking it).
With social media there can be such pressure to get “likes” or “followers” and to be honest I’d rather have less if the people are moved by what I post. I mostly post silly life reflections. I’m not sure what I am looking forward to right now, but I know I’m happy that in this moment I am healthy and moving in the right direction. Most importantly, I am giving myself the space, and permission, to change and adjust my sails accordingly especially with my creativity.